This book came as a casual conversation around the office that was recommended from Rob to one of my employees. I decided to also pick this up as well: 

  • Relationships are built and sustained one conversation at a time. 
  • We behave emotionally first, then rationally. We should flip this. 
  • Relationships are the differentiator (between price, etc.) 
  • Change from focusing on activities… to focusing on results. 
  • Don’t direct. Ask > Listen > Then Direct
  • Most people want to hear the truth. People respond to the truth. 
  • Tough conversations | The Issue Is > It is Significant Because > My Ideal Outcome Is > Relevant Background Info > What I’ve Done Up to This Point > Option
  • As a leader -> Hold Ideas towards the end. Let other people decide to get buy-in. 
  • Be able to disagree without being disagreeable 
  • Try conversations with “Yes.. and”
  • Coaching -> Your goal is to provoke self-generated insight. Don’t give the solution or it will become… “I tried your idea, and it didn’t work.” 
  • Leadership is a practice not a title. It’s transparency. Weak leaders want argument. Strong leaders want truth. 
  • Thoughtful Qs deserve Thoughtful As. Need to work on thoughtful A’s. 
  • If you’re employees think their job is to do what you tell them, you’re sunk. 
  • You get what you tolerate.
  • Hire attitude. Train skill. 
  • Feedback is a gift. Never be defensive or you may not get it again. 
  • No one gets better unless they receive candid feedback. 
  • Always be direct: Name the issue -> Select an example -> Describe emotions -> Clarify what is at stake -> Identify your contribution to problem -> Indicate your wish to resolve -> Invite response. 
  • Never say “I need…” I need to talk to you. I need you to do this… I need..” 
  • What happens if you win this argument? Anything? 
  • My job is to take care of you. Your job is to take care of our customers. Our customers take care of our bottom line. 
  • “Can I give you a bit of feedback?”
  • Silence is on your side. Use it in crucial conversations. 
  • Coaching is not providing answers. It’s helping find answers.